Schaffer the Darklord

ImageSchaffer loves cats. Unapologetically. Unironically. Unforgivingly. And what’s not to love? They’re fluffy little creatures providing warm meows when things get rough, and full-throated purrs when things are swimming along just fine – in other words, they are the purrrrfect inspiration for writing raps (sorry, the pun had to happen, it just had to). But STD wasn’t always the nerdy cat loving-rapper we know him to be – oh no.

Before he was a Pollyanna rapper of feline utopia, Schaffer the Darklord was a hardcore noise metal junkie. In fact, he describes himself as a “Frankenstein-esque monster assembled from equal parts Prince, Ozzy Osbourne, Bill Hicks, and Darth Vader stitched together inside the shell of a jaded heavy metal ex-patriot.” If you appreciate any of those references, then this nerdcore rapper is for you!

Despite flair for the dorqué, he is betrothed to a fair lady. The kind of fair lady that has a PhD – something he raps about with a bridegroom’s adorable pride in songs like “Black Metal Queen” and “Nerd Lussst.”

He may not be available for matrimony but you could definitely stalk him – he lives in Brooklyn, New York – terrorize his every waking moment, and then haunt his dreams. He’s pretty used to this kind of terror as his one and only bandmate is a music making machine thingy he affectionately calls “The Devil.” And, if you wanna be extra crazy, you could stalk him while riding a specialized STD skateboard, which he sells on his website, of course.

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